While my traveling may have stopped, what is new to see around me is not! I've been thinking about this idea of "finding love" out in the world and have become aware of how different it is depending on where you live and what culture you are in.
Coming from Southern California, opportunity's abound is the prevailing belief. Thanks to the Internet and large population base, it can feel like the field to choose from is infinite. Thus, the list that so many carry for the requirements of their perfect love seems to get longer as the picking pool gets larger.
There are too many issues with trying to find love in a place like So Cal, I can't list them here, but being over 30 and bigger than a size 4 puts you over in the more undesirable category - regardless of any other trait you may hold. It got so bad at one point that one wrong word in an email or the faintest of promises in a passing glance over a picture of someone never to be met, and BAM!, you are off the "maybe" list all together!
While I told others of my plans to move, so many of the women had hopes for me to find someone new on this journey. While not my purpose or burning desire, I'm not totally opposed if a good match for me would show up!
With that said, I'd been on my first farm for less than a week as you remember when my trailer broke. When I took my trailer in to the mechanic he awkwardly asked if I'd be interested in a date with a friend of his who had seen me around - and then began selling him by what he did, leaving out details like how old he was (everyone here is pretty old just by looking!) or kids, etc. I stumbled around telling him I didn't even know where I'd be sleeping tonight (true) and that maybe later.
Soooo….when I went to pick up my trailer, there he was - there was a whole group waiting for me. Ambush came to mind! I tried to be polite, really I was wanting to know what went on with my trailer and not about some picnic next Saturday. I found my way out and off to my new trailer park home.
Well, two days later at 7:15am, I heard a truck pull up. I'm still in bed and not dressed - he calls out to get dressed then and here we are, again. He then tells me his story and how he's just looking for the magic. How do you politely say, I can tell you right now I'm not magic, I’m not even sure what I'm doing right now!
Three pens, one business card, and an offer to live at his house and earn money by pulling weeds later, he drove away and so far, he hasn't driven back. But what occurred to me is that in a small town far away from a big city resource pool, magic is more about opportunity and availability than any physical or other kind of trait you may be looking for. If you're looking for love in a small town, you've got to move quickly on any new woman or man moving in, because you may miss your opportunity if you delay!
While all this is going on I've also been reading a book by James Michener about South Africa, The Covenant. So far he's covered life from the beginning to the early 1800's. Let me tell you, finding a wife was as simple as finding the first single female over about 14 years old. The list included not married and breathing. If you couldn't ride to the next farm and get one of their daughters, you asked for a woman to be shipped in from your home country! If that didn't work, pity the native girls or slaves.
My oh my how things have changed! I wonder if we focused less on trying to find the perfect man or woman to live our lives with and more on how to live our lives with the man or woman we were with, we'd all be a bit happier? Statistics show that marrying for love is no more successful than an arranged marriage. The divorce rate and the cheating rate might be a lot less also if we let go of the fantasy of a perfect person and focused more on how to love perfectly.
I do need to add, for most of our recorded history, women had to marry to survive. In many ways it was a legal form of prostitution - trading your femaleness for a place to live and an acceptable place in society. Unmarried women just didn't do well and most ended up with the other form of prostitution - which I am sure was most unpleasant.
I'm not saying you can't be happy married and with children, but having choices on how, where, and why you want to live your life are not all bad. I think in today's world we are all still sorting out our roles, though I often hear men wanting things to return to the old ways. Well, if I had a wife who did all my cooking, cleaning, childrearing, and "accommodating" to my physical needs at my desire and not theirs, who knows what I could have accomplished out in the world. But freedom needs to be equal for us both, thank you very much!
Back to the here and now, we'll see how living in small towns goes. But I will say to all the women who want to get married - think about a small town! I've had several men ask about my knowing anyone their age (okay, around here the men looking are all over 50ish) and would probably be happy with a real woman and not the pretend versions that have to stay super thin, super stupid, and super superficial!
As I rode my bike home the other night, I saw a man and woman holding hands as they walked along. He was normal sized, she was about three times wider from the rear view - but holding hands as they walked they were. This warms my heart and gives me hope that when the time is right the right man will be around. My list is rather short, but while I'd admire the women who lived with anyone to grow our various countries strong - it is still a bit longer than not married and breathing!
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