Did You Make Your Bed Today?

            I am sure when you read the title you were thinking, what could possibly be of interest to me in an answer to this question.  Really Jill, is this the best you can do?  Well, I hope you will read all of this before you answer because while almost painfully simple in appearance, it holds an essential lesson in both normal life and a life in which you may be trying to survive a disaster or radical change for you and your family in how you are living each day.

My unmade bed.

            I came upon this idea in a very unasked for way.  I was dating an alcoholic who was still in his first year of recovery (never a good idea by the way).  One of the first changes his sponsor asked him to make was just this, make his bed every morning after he got up.  At the time he told me this I didn't think much about it, but over the years I've come to appreciate the profound wisdom in this one simple step taken every day.

            At the time my boyfriend started making his bed I thought what the heck, maybe I would try it too.  While I'm not a totally messy person, I do have a tendency to let things get out of control on the stuff management front.  Eventually the desire to clean up would hit, but soon following would be a slow decline of my organizational skills….but I digress.

My made up bed - as in real, not fake but orderly!

            Over time I began to notice something about how I felt both before and after I made the bed.  When it was left undone, I felt more fragmented internally.  When it was made up, I felt this small shift into feeling more in control and internally less cluttered up.  Over time I began to notice other things.  One, that once a habit it created a boundary and order that kept me more focused and on track for what I did want to get accomplished that day.  I also noticed that this same ability to repeat a task each day in other ways also created more order and structure and focus….and for myself, I need that - a lot.

            This idea of creating a routine and a structure is actually very important in terms of quality of life, especially for those of us with raging ADHD, children, and animals.  Not knowing what is coming next is highly stressful - children and animals uncertain when they will eat or see the person they depend on live with a high level of unnamed anxiety and stress.  This usually becomes an acting out type of behavior on which the adult then blames the child or animal for. 

            Structure and routine build boundaries to allow us to feel safe within them.  Should these structures and routines be absolute and binding at all times?  No.  When they do they then manifest in Obsessive Control Dependencies and that's an entirely different story than this one. 

            Should they be followed when the ground falls out beneath you?  When they can, yes.  When I had a boyfriend die (not the first one mentioned here), the daily routine and structure of my dog saved my life.  When my dog died, I did not do so well without something other than my own life to focus on and no routine to get me through my grief. 

            One of the most important things I do for both myself and my animals is create a routine and structure that can live anywhere.  When our home changes, our schedule does not.  This gives them and me a great level of comfort and reduces their anxiety which in turn reduces my own.

            When disaster hits or your life is radically changed the immediate response is a survival reaction.  But no crisis endures and eventually living with the change takes on a new way to live each day.  One important factor for coping is to keep what you can of the old routines and create new ones that fit the new situation.  The place you sleep may no longer be a comfortable bed, but you can make it clean and orderly each morning.

            One of the essential differences between those who survive and those who don't is this simple idea.  Those who descend into the chaos and thus become chaotic are drains and drag everyone around them down with them.  Those who look for order and structure within the chaos are able to bring more calm into the survival mode and this is their gift.  But it's not something you need in case of an emergency, rather it is a skill you use every day, creating a bond of trust in your family, friends, animals, and environment.  Then, when bad things do happen they know they can count on you and even more importantly, you can count on your self.

            Making the bed may not sound life changing or in the category of saving the world, but in the words of Mother Teresa, "There are no great acts, only small acts done with great love."  Sometimes, just making the bed can be an act of great love - for my boyfriend it was a way of loving him self by caring enough to make his bed every day.  For me it is an act of self respect by creating order within my mind and body.  What will it be for you?