August 17, 2011 - the last day, maybe, of life as we know it

 

            I’m here in Silver City, New Mexico at a KOA campground parked and safe and finally able to let the fear drain out for the first time since this journey began.  I arrived yesterday morning and have met a very nice man named Norm who has offered advice on my painful mistake of carrying too much stuff in an overburdening way to the truck and trailer.

            I spent yesterday settling in and today trying to figure out why I carted so much of my crap with me and in fear that my entire life will be now about stuff – wasn’t the plan to let this nightmare of too much stuff be over????  Insert loud scream of frustration here!

            But here’s the problem, I don’t know what I will actually need in these months to come.  Tomorrow has the potential to be a game changer or not, as do several other dates in the coming months.  Things I’ve brought may save my life even if for right now they’re dragging me and the truck down. 

            I found a storage unit about 30 minutes from the second farm I’m planning on going to and I’m thinking suffer the cramped quarters for the next week and then see how the coming two months unfold – worth the $50 in storage fees I think.

            Last night was also the first night I got a good amount of sleep.  I am happy to report the cats didn’t cry or complain once.  They both spent the night nestled up next to me, each picking their own sides.  It was lovely.  For all the cramped quarters, my bed/couch is wonderful with it’s pillows and familiar sights and smells of the old part of my life that was good.

            I had an interesting discussion with Norm who describes himself as a rebel or outlaw is his word.  He looks the part of motorcycle maverick from the 60’s on – long hair, bandana, and tattoo’s.  He’s lived a varied and interesting life.  We were discussing how he has adopted the outward look of the tribe he choose to follow, a tribe he says is almost gone as time and hard living has taken most of those he has known and traveled with.

            But it is an interesting point, how our outside often lets the world know who we are on the inside.  For myself, I’ve never gotten those two to meet.  I’ve never looked how I felt, nor have a found a tribe I have known as my own in this world.  I wonder how many of us are afraid of the life we long to live vs. the life we believe we should live.

            These last few years have definitely been for me the shedding of the old (though my stuff seems determined to not let go of me!) and a search for the new.  Maybe that’s why I can’t let some things go, they still might fit and there’s the knowledge now that I will never be able to replace them.  What we treasure of this world isn’t always what is financially valuable as much as it represents to the world who we really are.

            I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, nor the next day, but I do know I’ve got one more day here at the campground before I head out to the first farm.  I am hoping to finally get organized enough to get the video camera in sync with these blogs – somehow in my mind this all went much more smoothly!  Oh Well, soon I’ll find my rhythm or I’ll find a new world that will make these decisions irrelevant!