Where is Your Home Base?

            I'm now almost five months into this adventure of having no home but the one I travel in.  Though, if I’m being honest I've not done much traveling in it!  But I know I can and what each place I have visited and stayed in has in common is that none are my home base.  The trailer is my home and it is the base of my current living, but I have come to realize it is not my home base in the truest sense.

            When I was about half the age I am now I spent several months traveling around Europe with a backpack.  The one thing I took away was the idea that I missed having a place to call home.  Of course that was in the days of no cell phones or internet, so it's hard to compare to now!

            But I remember I grew tired of saying good bye to friends and never really knowing where I would be or for how long.  But I also liked the adventure of it all and the freedom to get away from whomever I didn't want to be with.  I once spent all night in a remote train station to get away from some guy whose name I don't remember but I do remember I did NOT want to travel with him any more!

            Part of this experiment was to see if the trailer and the animals would be enough of a home base to allow me to continue to travel without feeling like I was missing something.  However, as I close in on a new year I'm starting to feel like I want to find a place to call home - even if it is temporary.

            Home base means to me having a place to return to where everyone knows your name as the Cheers crowd did in the sitcom so many years ago.  It means having a place your mail goes so you're not chasing it from city to city.  It means having friends that you spend more time saying hello to than good bye to.  It also means having an anchor of sorts that you can return to when you need that time away from the unknown and return to the known.

            I'm starting to tire of telling my story to stranger after stranger until we become friends.  Where did you come from?  Why did you leave California?  What are your plans?  The same questions from city to city and person to person are becoming tiresome as the basis of every conversation I seem to have.  And then just when those conversations seem to be over I am off to a new place with new people, yet I'm having the same conversations again and again.

            I don't know where my new home base will be.  My intention is to stay in New Mexico so I am starting to look around.  I know it won't be where I am, but I also think it won't be too far from here either.  It isn't to say I won't keep traveling or looking, but for now I am feeling the call of having a place I call home, even if I don't live there full time.

            I still believe your home is where your heart is and for me, the trailer with the animals is my home and I am happy in it.  But I am also looking forward to extending my heart beyond these walls to a community I too can call home.  All suggestions are welcome and we will see where this next leg of the journey goes!

Do You Want a White Christmas?

         In answer to my own question, no - I do not want a white Christmas.  However, I am getting a white two days before Christmas here in sunny Truth or Consequences, New Mexico.   Until last year the locals swear it never gets below freezing.....hmmmm.














But this is what I woke up to this morning.....










     





      And this....

And icicles - yea....

But this was sure beautiful as we braved the elements....

Freedom went with me, but not sure he enjoyed it....hurry up and take the picture so we can get OUT of here!!!

But Lilith wanted her turn...

So she went out....

Tried walking around the snow.....

















Decided she'd rather come back in.....








 






And that was enough of that!!!!















There's no place like home....

Merry Christmas to all and 

to all a Good Night!!!!

Love,  Jill, Lilith, and Freedom

Day One with Freedom Two

            There are two things that are really significant about today.  One, it is the shortest day of the year which to me signals the turnaround of dark to light - every day for the next six months will get lighter and brighter.  It is also the first full day of my new dog Freedom coming to live with us in the tiny trailer! 

            Both Freedom and I are still in the getting to know each other stage.  He's watching me and I am watching him.  So far from my point of view things are going well!  His point of view though has been a bit stationary - he has yet to get off the bed unless I insist….  I've even had to bring his food and water to him - not something that will continue to continue!

            We went for our first morning walk today - it was foggy, cold, and wet….welcome to your new life!  He did not lift his leg to relieve himself one time…this is a boy dog - what is up or rather not up with that? 

            So far we've had no barking, no chasing the cat (he just sniffs and licks her), or even desire to explore beyond the bed in the tiny trailer.  I've got everything shoved to the opposite side to make more room for him, but still no movement.

            I didn't sleep much last night listening and watching what he would do.  He did very little, I got very little sleep just in case he did do something I needed to stop.  The rescue said he's known for peeing, vomiting, and stressing - none of that so far!  Tonight should go much better for me I think! 

            I'll share more in the video, but just wanted to post about today and how happy I am the light is returning - both outside and inside the tiny trailer!!!

What is Your Favorite Comfort Food?

            In times of crisis most of us have a comfort food.  For me it's been my morning coffee routine.  But in full disclosure, my coffee is really more like hot ice cream than real coffee and its mostly the heat of the mug and the fact that my cat cuddles into my arms while I write, pray, and listen each morning.  The coffee is the catalyst to the whole ritual.

            But in the midst of my crisis and drama in getting going on this journey, there was no coffee, no routine, and no time for my girl cat to sit on my lap.  I went into survival mode and not comfort mode - though a bit of self-comforting can go a long way in times of crisis.

            The point I want to make is that when the immediacy of the crisis passes, the call of the comfort food gets a lot louder.  We need what is familiar and routine and what we know we will have a connection with.  We need some level of success, so we go with what we know works - be it food, alcohol, relationships, or some other form of comfort.

            What drove this idea home and why we really need to think about it was in watching the first and part of the second season of a show called The Colony on the Discovery Channel.  Ten strangers are put in a group and dropped off in a post-apocalyptic environment and told they need to survive.

            Each person had their own set of unique skills and personality to go with them.  Yet in both episodes the same thing happened to this group.  They defaulted into their comfort areas of expertise and missed the bigger picture that emerges in a post crisis moment.

            Neither group sought food!  They built amazing inventions.  They reacted to all the problems that the producers of the show created for them.  But neither group dedicated any real attention to getting a sustainable and regular source of food and sometimes, even water.  They got hungrier, weaker, and less productive - but they still kept up with their comfort skills and projects in the face of death due to lack of food.

            We all have our own coping mechanisms and in that we all share a common thread - when we are stressed we want to go with what we know we can be successful at and tend to ignore what we don't understand or know how to deal with.  These two groups had no farmer among them.  Finding food has never been something they have had to contend with beyond going to the closest grocery store or restaurant.  But if things go bad, it will by only hours before every shelf is bare and every restaurant is closed.

            Survivalists often point out you can go four days without water and 40 days without food.  Right.  That is SURVIVAL; it is not something that works well.  Lack of food and water within one day start to have all kinds of effects on us - we can't think, we are more likely to hurt ourselves, and we grow tired and less productive. It becomes a circle that is hard to escape from once a certain threshold is passed.

           As a society we've lost our connection to food as more than something that gives us comfort - it gives us life and the energy we need to live it.  In my time so far on farms and ranches it has become clear that growing food or having to kill something to eat are not easy nor skills that one learns in a single day.

            I love my comfort food - but I also understand that without food I won't be comfortable.  But if you learn anything from this post I hope it is that if you are in a crisis that is going to last more than a day, you've got to think about food and water first.  It's not something to put off just because you have a few days or few weeks supply of food.  It is a number one priority. 

Have You Had an Adventure Disaster Lately?

 

            I recently met a couple traveling in their tiny trailer with an underpowered truck pulling it - just like me!  We shared stories of the trip to here and the disasters that happened on the way.  We were all laughing - now - but it wasn't really very funny while they were happening.  But it felt good to laugh and even more so to know I wasn't alone in my adventure disasters!  This got me thinking about this whole trip and how it has really made me have to s t r e t c h out of my comfort zone and deal with very little of what I planned and much more of what I didn't plan on!

           

            Before the last year in preparation for leaving my old world and life, the four years before that were pretty consistent in my day to day living.  The journey was much more of an internal one at that time, my external world required very little of me to respond to it.

            But part of adjusting to big change, crisis, and disasters (or unplanned adventures depending on your perspective) is trusting you CAN deal with them.  One of the reasons I think the first few weeks were so hard for me was that I was long out of practice having to manage any type of crisis beyond what I wanted for dinner that night.

            Anyone who specializes in crisis management - fire, police, military, search and rescue - also practices crisis management.  They drill again and again when it's not a crisis so that when it is, they can respond without getting lost in the emotion and fear.  It is much the same as an athlete who trains for their big event. 

If your normal life doesn't really allow for much unplanned adventure, maybe it's time to shake things up a bit?  The goal isn't to win rather it is to just get acclimated to having to deal with a change and uncertainty and then trusting you will be able to problem solve your way out of it.

            Fear is really something we push into the future by imagining what may happen.  But the past usually reveals that no matter what has come upon us, we managed to deal with it in some way.  It is the fear that is paralyzing more than any event or experience that comes upon us.

            So what kind of adventure can you embark on?  It doesn't have to be life changing like me - you know, throwing everything you have out and driving off into the great unknown with no real plan other than the one that appears that day!    Rather, you can just drive a new way to work and if you get lost, don't panic, just trust you will find your way!

            Eventually, you'll have your own new stories of adventure disasters to share with new friends and you'll both enjoy the new found courage, strength, and laughter that comes from them…which by the way is a great way to manage the stress of great change.

end of blog

What Do You Still Need To Let Go Of?

 

            There are two directions anything moving can flow - away from you or closer to you.  There may be a less than direct path within the actual movement of the object or energy, but there are only two directions that have any real meaning.  Is what you are focusing on flowing towards you or is it flowing away from you.  When we are talking about something that smells bad, the obvious hope is the smell is moving away from us….when we smell something lovely, well it's not rocket science here….

            For those who have been following me on this journey it's been pretty clear that almost everything I've loved or collected in the last several decades has been moving away from me.  Life has been a very long series of letting go - while this last year has been fairly intense, it's not been the only time I've had multiple and difficult losses in concentrated periods of time.

            But what has occurred to me these last few days is that it is time for me to enter the other side of this process, the part where I let what is next come into my life.  I've been thinking about getting a new dog now that my cat who didn't like dogs has left this plane of existence.  I promised him no more dog torture after my last dog died.  But now that he is gone, well, I've begun the process of being open to letting a new dog into our lives.

            Yesterday I visited an animal sanctuary with the goal of sharing a video with you (which will be coming soon!), but also as an opening to the new dog that may come to me.  This morning I was aware that I'm feeling conflict and fear about getting a new dog.  Yes, there is the responsibility, the work, the joy, and also the risk of my girl cat not getting along….but more than that I was aware that I was afraid of letting something new I loved in.

            I'm sad to report that it is much easier for me to let what I love go than it is for me to let love in.  My first dog was really the first time I truly let myself love and be loved.  Dogs are safe, loyal, never judge, and excellent givers of unconditional love - what love is meant to be.  Losing him was the most devastating thing I've ever experienced - and I've lost a LOT of people close to me, I mean a lot….but no one or no thing has ever compared to that moment in time.

            But one of the laws of this Universe is that it will not tolerate a vacuum.  When an opening occurs, something needs to fill it.  In my tiny trailer there's not much room for anyone else to join us physically, but energetically it's been feeling really empty.  My tiny boy cat filled that space, but with his death there is a vacuum that is asking to be filled.

            As a therapist who has worked with many around loss and grief, one of the issues people face in not wanting to let go of who they loved is the feeling that if they let go of the grief they are letting go of the one they loved.  They will choose their pain of what is gone over letting it go to let new love in.  While it is essential to honor the letting go and grief process, it is not meant to go on forever.

            I am not alone in losing most of my external and physical life.  But letting go is just part of what life is.  The real choice is will we then allow life to come back in?  This world is having to let go of a lot right now…the loss of the dream, the loss of the promise, the loss of money, security, stability…and more.  But that is just one part of the equation.  The more essential half of this process is what will you then let in?

            Here's a little secret I'll share with you as a reminder to my self as I consider letting a dog join us in the tiny trailer….love isn't something that goes anywhere.  The form may change, but love can't leave, it can only be denied or ignored.  No, it doesn't FEEL the same at first when the body and energy of who or what you loved is gone, but when you grieve the loss of that form, when you are ready - the love itself will be with you always.  That is the promise.

            But here's the secret….you can't stop giving your love and sharing it with others.  The only way to have love is to give it away, to share it, and to want it in your life.  No single person is going to save this world by their actions.  But as more and more of us let go of what is ready to pass away from this world in its form, we can then be open to love itself and from that love build a new world that will bless us all.  And what else could we really want for every animal, person, and planet?

            The mechanics of this Universe tells us that everything is energy and energy must move.  So, flow goes on with or without us directing it.  But it is my hope and wish for you in your life as it is in mine to let the fear flow away and the love flow in because there are many who need your love and none who need your fear - including you.  Disasters may come, but history has shown us that from the ashes often rises the beauty of human compassion and love.  We don't have to wait for big disasters or even little ones to let our love flow out so that more love can then flow in.

            I'll let you know about the dog -but until then remember no matter what happens you have choice.  You choose to let go and you choose to let in.  Which will you choose for your self today?

How Many Ways Can You Heat Your Water?

             Before I left my comfy house with all it's functioning utilities and cooking devices, I asked a guy who I saw living in his RV down the street from my friend for any advice he could give me on my upcoming adventure.  His best advice:  Have five different ways to heat your water.

            At the time I hadn't really thought about heating water.  Most survival advice focuses on getting water and filtering water.  However, the more I thought about having access to hot water, the more it started to make sense to me.  Now that I'm living the adventure, I totally understand his advice - and mine would be having a lot more than five.

            When you are used to just turning on a faucet or shower or washing machine, you are just as used to having the option between hot and cold water.  But try going a few days with no hot water and your eyes will be opened to a whole new set of problems.  Not only is there the issue of trying to drink only cold water when it's really cold outside, there is having to put cold water on your body to wash it, clean your dishes in cold water that won't cut oil or grease, and don't even think about washing your hair with cold water on a very cold day - no thank you!

            Here's the short list of options:  fire, electricity, sun, or batteries.  Heating water takes an energy source and it's the energy source that becomes the problem, not the device to heating the water itself.  My own list consists of an electric hot pot I got for $2 at a thrift source - but it's a 600 watt draw, so it only works when I'm plugged into the grid.  I also have a 12-volt heater that can go into my battery pack or car battery plug - which I just discovered doesn't work.  There is the propane stove I can use to boil water or some type of fire - google search rocket stoves for a small and efficient way to boil water quickly with minimum resources.  But any fire outside needs a source of fuel and wet or green wood isn’t going to burn.  I've also got a solar shower for a pinch, but I haven’t actually used it yet….not while it's 30 degrees or colder outside!

            But what is even more important than having multiple ways to heat your water is the recognition that it is essential to be able to problem solve under all circumstances.  As much as we'd all like to believe we're able to prepare for all contingencies, the reality and a very nature of a crisis or disaster is that we can never be fully prepared.

            Survival is said to be 90% mental by most experts.  I believe it's 100%, but I'll cover that on another day.  It's not enough to have enough tools or skills.  You have got to be able to be creative in how you solve a problem.  Should you be prepared?  Yes.  But it's not enough on its own.

            In many parts of the world, hot water is a luxury.  Most of us take it for granted.  But the day may come when you reach to turn on your faucet and only cold water comes out or even worse, no water at all.  What will you then do?  As a beginning step I'll give you the same advice the RV guy gave me, start with five ways to heat water and then you'll be a lot more comfortable in the crisis sipping your tea than a cup of cold water.

Did You Make Your Bed Today?

            I am sure when you read the title you were thinking, what could possibly be of interest to me in an answer to this question.  Really Jill, is this the best you can do?  Well, I hope you will read all of this before you answer because while almost painfully simple in appearance, it holds an essential lesson in both normal life and a life in which you may be trying to survive a disaster or radical change for you and your family in how you are living each day.

My unmade bed.

            I came upon this idea in a very unasked for way.  I was dating an alcoholic who was still in his first year of recovery (never a good idea by the way).  One of the first changes his sponsor asked him to make was just this, make his bed every morning after he got up.  At the time he told me this I didn't think much about it, but over the years I've come to appreciate the profound wisdom in this one simple step taken every day.

            At the time my boyfriend started making his bed I thought what the heck, maybe I would try it too.  While I'm not a totally messy person, I do have a tendency to let things get out of control on the stuff management front.  Eventually the desire to clean up would hit, but soon following would be a slow decline of my organizational skills….but I digress.

My made up bed - as in real, not fake but orderly!

            Over time I began to notice something about how I felt both before and after I made the bed.  When it was left undone, I felt more fragmented internally.  When it was made up, I felt this small shift into feeling more in control and internally less cluttered up.  Over time I began to notice other things.  One, that once a habit it created a boundary and order that kept me more focused and on track for what I did want to get accomplished that day.  I also noticed that this same ability to repeat a task each day in other ways also created more order and structure and focus….and for myself, I need that - a lot.

            This idea of creating a routine and a structure is actually very important in terms of quality of life, especially for those of us with raging ADHD, children, and animals.  Not knowing what is coming next is highly stressful - children and animals uncertain when they will eat or see the person they depend on live with a high level of unnamed anxiety and stress.  This usually becomes an acting out type of behavior on which the adult then blames the child or animal for. 

            Structure and routine build boundaries to allow us to feel safe within them.  Should these structures and routines be absolute and binding at all times?  No.  When they do they then manifest in Obsessive Control Dependencies and that's an entirely different story than this one. 

            Should they be followed when the ground falls out beneath you?  When they can, yes.  When I had a boyfriend die (not the first one mentioned here), the daily routine and structure of my dog saved my life.  When my dog died, I did not do so well without something other than my own life to focus on and no routine to get me through my grief. 

            One of the most important things I do for both myself and my animals is create a routine and structure that can live anywhere.  When our home changes, our schedule does not.  This gives them and me a great level of comfort and reduces their anxiety which in turn reduces my own.

            When disaster hits or your life is radically changed the immediate response is a survival reaction.  But no crisis endures and eventually living with the change takes on a new way to live each day.  One important factor for coping is to keep what you can of the old routines and create new ones that fit the new situation.  The place you sleep may no longer be a comfortable bed, but you can make it clean and orderly each morning.

            One of the essential differences between those who survive and those who don't is this simple idea.  Those who descend into the chaos and thus become chaotic are drains and drag everyone around them down with them.  Those who look for order and structure within the chaos are able to bring more calm into the survival mode and this is their gift.  But it's not something you need in case of an emergency, rather it is a skill you use every day, creating a bond of trust in your family, friends, animals, and environment.  Then, when bad things do happen they know they can count on you and even more importantly, you can count on your self.

            Making the bed may not sound life changing or in the category of saving the world, but in the words of Mother Teresa, "There are no great acts, only small acts done with great love."  Sometimes, just making the bed can be an act of great love - for my boyfriend it was a way of loving him self by caring enough to make his bed every day.  For me it is an act of self respect by creating order within my mind and body.  What will it be for you?

The Cold Night of the Soul is Over!

 

            Well, it's been two nights of beyond cold and me and the cat are here to tell about it. You can't ask for more than that - right?  Well, that's all I'm asking for right now.  The worst is over, for at least a few nights and barring no new cold fronts - yea!

            As always in these situations I ask myself, what are the take away lessons?  What can I learn from this experience that will make the "next time" better?  The short answer - insulation is EVERYTHING!  The extreme cold made the question about where am I leaking air and losing heat very clear.  And, while I can't fix everything, at least I understand what the problems are a lot more clearly.

            But the spiritual clarity is always the real answers I seek and during this time I got quite a bit.  What struck me as so interesting was how the heater was working against the cold…trying to push out its heat while the cold was trying to push in on everything else.  It was classic physical world metaphor - you can't fight the cold, just increase what is emanating from within you….be it peace, love, warmth, or all that is good.  You can't fight the cold, but you can radiate the heat….uncomfortable, but a great example of how we change the world from within ourselves.

            But what I really want to share is the only thing that is of value here - the idea that is at the basis of why we are even in this world trying to learn its lessons.  The only thing I really cared about was if Lilith was okay.  It was the only real thought each time I would wake up and check the temperature to see if we'd passed a threshold I needed to be concerned about.

            The only thing that really matters is the well-being of who I love and have taken responsibility to care for.  Buried under the covers I had lots of time to think this morning and looking at Lilith watching me it occurred to me that I was only really watching for her…not the trailer or any of the stuff inside of it.

            How do you share with others that the whole point to this existence is really just that simple?  The Course in Miracles says that it is when we join with another without separate interests of our own that we have finally understood who we are and why we are here.  For a long time I didn't really get that idea….but lately it's been clear that the point is, when we act for the benefit of our own ego at the cost of another's well-being we are really headed in the wrong direction.

            In the Bible Jesus makes this same point when he says there is no greater gift than to lay down our own life for another.  Our body is not who we are and our ego is not the true source of life he is talking about.  The real point is when we stop living our lives at the cost of someone else living theirs, well, then we are really living.

            I'm including in what follows two opposing examples of this idea.  One in which a lion rescues her cub at risk to herself and another where teens risk the lives of others by their hatred of themselves.  Hate is after all just us projecting our own self loathing out into the world and giving it a name other than our own.

            It's not rocket science to know what each story brings forth within you.  So the question then is, which type of "heat" are you burning in your own spirit to share with the world?  The heat that is love or the heat that is peace?  

An example of where fear conquers love:

Teens attack Police Officer While Threatening Girl Inside Her Home, Fireman come to the rescue.

An example of when love conquers fear:

The dramatic rescue, captured by wildlife photographer Jean-Francois Largot,
was played out in Kenya ’s Masai Mara game reserve. 

            I am glad to report that Lilith did just fine - she has an amazing ability to curl into the warmest corners of my bedding that more closely resembles a pile of laundry than a bed that has been made….but the layers work for both of us and right now warmth is more important than a pretty package. 

            It's important to face our fears in times of safety and in times of great danger - they are both just one more example for us to learn this lesson that what we value is the life that keeps us warm within and not the fear we perceive pushing in on us.

Below 32 Degrees on the Inside

            As part of my learning about the limits and needs of life in the trailer I've become obsessive (just a bit though) about the temperature - both inside the trailer and outside.    What I've learned is it's more like camping in a tent than it is living in a house.  I've done both, house living and tent camping, but in each I had a different set of expectations.  In the trailer I wasn't sure what to expect, but so far I haven't had to test the limits of comfort and of safety…until now.

            I'm writing this before I have to face my next fear.  So far it's not been below the 20's on the outside and I've maintained at least low 40's on the inside.  But tomorrow night it's going to drop closer to zero than not - and that is freaking me out just a bit.

            What I've learned so far is that I really should have paid closer attention to improving and maximizing insulation all around, minimizing air leaks, and choosing materials that gave me the most bang for my buck - not just were cheapest and looked pretty!

            I've been able to improvise a bit here on the road, but to do any real improvements would require way more work and money and time and tools than I have or want to do…so, it will be a good test tomorrow night to see just how much cold I can live with - literally.

            In my trailer - with no one else to compare it to - I average about a 10-15 degree difference inside and outside with no contributing factors.  If I face full sun and open all the drapes, the temperature can go as high as 25 degrees or more warmer.  If I run a heater I've been able to get at least a 30 degrees warmer improvement.  In the summer heat if I opened everything to airflow and minimum shading, I could run dead even with inside to outside temperatures.  On nice days - all this is irrelevant.

            But I want to go back to the fear - because that is the more important part, not the perceived facts.  The fear is not really about me, it's about creating harm or suffering to my cat.  She's shorthaired and seems to get cold at about 60 degrees.  I keep telling her to grow more hair, but so far, I don't see it.

            But then underneath that I realized there was another level of fear or sadness or guilt or, well, shame.  I am cold and I am in a shelter.  Outside there are a lot of people and animals that are cold without shelter.  Now that I can feel the cold on my skin and the consequences on my cat's fur - well, it's a lot more real when I see someone living on the street or a dog with no shelter or way to protect itself from the cold.

            Living on the street is not as straightforward as we want to think.  As a social worker I can tell you story after story about why it's not easy to fix.  But these last few years have produced a level of homelessness that is different.  But I don't think it's just about evil banking cartels or narcissistic politicians or under funded social service agencies.

            No, I believe it is deeper and more profound.  I believe it is time to feel the effects of who we have been in this country - indifferent to the welfare of those that are alive.  Our focus on stuff, money, power, fame, status is now reaping the results with the idols we sought being confiscated by the banks that temporarily gave us money to buy them.

            As a society, most of us never really thought about the consequences of consumerism, materialism, greed, and indifference as we glazed over in front of televisions and ate food that contained chemicals and just lost our will to be creative and live a human life connected to the experience of life itself.

            Nothing wakes you up faster to what is valuable in the life experience than to be cold, hungry, alone, and afraid…nothing.

             It is easy to point fingers of judgment with the belief that those who are hungry and cold deserve it for their failure to play the corporate game.  It is easy to turn a blind eye and remain glazed over.  But it is not easy when you are in the middle of the experience you once judged or ignored.  No, it's not easy at all.

            I know how to get out of this situation - but I want to be here because I like the challenge of learning my limits and solving new problems and getting stronger as a human in this world.

            But most - or maybe all - don't know how to change their situation.  They just know they don't want it.  But from this place of pain and suffering is coming desire - desire to be warm, to have good food, to be safe, and to want to live again.

            And desire is the spark that lights the flame of creation in this Universe and World.  Change must happen first at the level of Cause, meaning what you think, want, feel, and desire.  I believe that even though there are many who don't know why these things have happened to them at this level of their ego awareness, their spirit knew exactly what would happen when they chose to come here.

            I believe those we may judge and dismiss as societal failures are really powerful beings who said, "yes, I can do this" and came into this world knowing it might be scary and uncomfortable - but their contribution to us all would be powerful and mighty.

            Now when I see someone who is homeless I say instead "Thank you my brother or sister."  I bless them, see them as powerful spirits, and trust that to them this is no sacrifice but rather their gift to us all as we try and find a new way to live in this world together - to build a new world in which no one wins until everyone wins.

            I'll let you know soon how life is close to zero - but it feels less scary now that I've named the guilt that was my fear.  No, it doesn't feel okay to have anyone suffer and it is still my desire to continue to build a new world in which no one will…but first, we must want a world in which no one suffers and to do that we must look at what we have created and choose again….

Figuring out my Food

            One of the biggest challenges on this adventure has been getting clear on how to eat and not spend too much money, make too much mess, and meet at least some of my nutritional needs! 

            I will say I like the challenge - but I am still in the challenge phase more than the solution phase.  But here are a few things I've learned along the way that I think will also apply if the power goes out, you have to go on the road, or life gets a lot simpler for you like it did for me!

            Food has been a big part of my learning curve, so I am coming at this with a pretty lengthy list of "how to" books - I've done vegetarianism, ancient cooking wisdom, camping tips, and a lot more.  But they all have assumed that there is plenty of supply and space and time and money….not so for me right now!

            One of the biggest things I'm getting is that I can't eat as much variety over the course of a day or two.  But, at the same time I can't cook one dish to serve for the next few days either…what to do?  Food is really one meal at a time, so my solution has been how can I use the ingredients I've got in the most number of ways over the shortest period of time?

            Another thing I'm getting is the whole three meals a day or if you're into the grazing concept - 5-7 meals a day is not happening.  Mostly because I hate doing the dishes that often!  Instead, I've been looking at how can I increase the nutritional density of my meal - or, more calories and nutrition in one sitting.

            So, for example - oatmeal for breakfast has taken on a whole new look, taste, and texture!  While there is not an exact recipe I go by, here's a list of what I'm now adding so I get the most bang for my buck:

• Oats - soaked overnight
• Raisins - boiled in the water before I add the oats

Then, once it's cooked I add:

• Walnuts - Omega's and other good stuff
• Wheat Germ - Vitamin E, fiber, and more
• Cinnamon - good for insulin regulation and taste
• Butter - fats, calories, and texture - and if you splurge on grass fed/organic - good stuff!
• Brown Sugar - because I like the taste okay?

            I've let the idea of adding milk go - though you could add dried milk and more water or just add milk if you have access to it.  But in truth, I don't miss the milk at all.

            I've been eating this a little later in the day - after coffee, getting dressed, checking the internet to see if the world has changed yet, and then a general redistribution of my stuff for the day things I do.  But it works pretty well, keeps me pretty satisfied, and tastes really, really good!

            The butter is the only thing that can really spoil, but it takes a while and if I just focus on food that uses butter, I eat it fast enough to not waste it before it goes bad.  The rule of thumb is 30 days for butter, but I've done a lot longer with no problems.

            It's been a shift because food has also been my comfort, my friend, and baking and cooking a real pleasure for me - the restrictions and changes have been an adjustment.  But part of getting simpler is also letting go of perceived needs - the idea I need to eat at the same time each day, three times a day, and in specific ways. 

            We've been taught that there are a lot of food rules if we want to be happy - but as we go on this particular subject I hope you'll learn as I have that from the place of our spirit, it's just not true…but that is all for another day!