What is Old is New, Again..

 

            A few days ago someone commented on one of my videos that what I had to say was neither new nor relevant (that part was implied when he said I was just spinning old news to the new version).  What got me thinking about that comment was again the idea I've said SOOOO many times that we can only hear what we are ready to hear, be it old or new information.

            The truth/TRUTH is that there are no new ideas - the creation of this Universe is both whole and complete.  We only have access to the energy of an idea feeling new and it is the energy/thought that is what is real, not the effect the idea will make manifest.

            Before I left my mountain home I made it a point to try out my fire starting flint and steel.  I watched the videos, it seemed easy enough, but I've gone far enough along this journey to know practice is important while you don't need something, not waiting until you do.

            Anyways, I went outside with my magnesium stick to start a fire.  Okay, I did exactly what the videos instructed and no, nothing happened.  I did it again and then again in a new spot with new magnesium chips, still nothing….this isn't good!  But then I remembered someone had said to scrape the paint off first…oh, is this thing painted?  Yes.  And when I scraped the paint off and then tried to make a spark turn to flame - presto, it worked!  In that moment I felt SO happy!!!!

            Now, the point isn't that it's good to practice, but rather the excitement I felt creating a successful fire start!  People have been starting fires for longer than any of us can count, so on the one hand - big deal right?  But what is the new that is really old is that for ME it was a first, it was new, and it created the feeling of joy, success, relief, and the sense of freedom that if the world blows up I can keep warm and start my own fire if my many boxes of matches get wet.

            Desire is the spark that lights the fire of creation in this Universe.  It is Cause, the fire itself is only an effect and in the end, irrelevant.  This is the reversal in our thinking that the Truth is asking us to make…to stop caring about the effects and focus on the Cause - our desire to learn, create, love, give, share, experience, etc.

            I don't know what his intention was by his comment, but I am assuming he wanted to have me respond by feeling bad, shamed, worthless - sorry, but I don't operate that way.  Rather, it is my choice how I want to feel by his comment because I am the Cause of my life, not what he thinks or says.  Sadly, it is only he that will experience the effects of his own Cause - sharing judgment and negativity - not me.

            No, this journey I am on is neither new nor revolutionary in its effects- but what it is, is my journey to find my own freedom, joy, simplicity, and way of life that makes me happy so that the world I create around me will reflect this as Cause.

            This is how we build the new world, not by judging the old world for all its wrongs and limitations and failings, but rather by desiring what we do want and for me that is love, truth, joy, and freedom - which I have just a bit more of now that I can start a fire in one more way on my own. 

Here's how it it is done link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFaq-J-j5DQ

Freedom Never Dies

            It's over.  My boy cat has died and the relief he is out of pain is greater with each passing day.  He died a few days ago, Wednesday 11/22/11 at 1:25pm MST to be exact.  I had picked him up and put him on my bed to clean out his when he began that final phase - gasping and then his spirit vacating his body.  This time I didn't beg him not to go, I just loved him as much as I could as he went.  It's over.

            I am not sure how I feel about this pattern of transitioning the living to the other side.  It seems without an intention to do so, my life has been this facilitation both personally and professionally.  Though, it's much easier when it's not personal.

            I will say that I've known no greater honor.  I've lost count of how many I've held in my arms as they died - and I've never even been to a war zone.  What does that say about this world we live in?

            The last two that were not my own family or friend that stand out the most was an old man of 95.  He had always been so independent and productive.  He rode his motorcycle until he was 85 and worked in his garage shop until he could no longer stand on his own.  I met him in a nursing home, bed bound and lying helpless as he called in frustration to anyone who would listen to help him with each movement he needed to make. 

            It is hard when you have been in full control of your life to no longer have any.  He kept asking me why they wouldn't let him die now, what did he have to keep waiting for?  He was not going to get better and this experience was humiliating and horrifying for this proud man.  He was grateful that I would say the words out loud that yes, he would die soon.  With the sick and elderly this is often what they need most - someone to say out loud what is happening and not use code words or change the subject because of the person's own discomfort.

            He did die within the month that I had met him.  But he died not with grace or someone sitting with him, but rather just in a moment like any other in that time he spent in the nursing home.  No one was there to hold his hand, to say good bye, or to tell him he was loved.

            The other was a premature child born to a mother at 24 weeks - barely viable at that age and her brain damage and body were to weak and fragile to sustain her life.  It was a baby born too soon most likely because the methamphetamine her mother was using brought about labor.  Her mother was too afraid to make the decision to take her off life support and even more afraid to be with her in the end moments.

            I did it for her.  Not make the decision, but sit with this child and hold her as she left her body here taking her spirit beyond this plane of existence.  I'd like to say it was graceful and dignified, but it was in the middle of a busy neonatal care unit and all I could give her were my arms and a rocking chair as I whispered to her it was okay to leave, she was loved and her mother and father were doing the best they could by letting her go.

            I won't share my personal losses.  They are still painful and have my own set of guilty feelings attached to them.  But most included me holding them as their spirits left this world for the one beyond.  It was always the least I could do.

            Maybe these experiences are meant for more than transitioning one life at a time.  Maybe they are also about facilitating the transition of this world.  I believe that is why I am here, though I don't know what to do - as with a body it is hard for most to say the words out loud or have the courage to say it's time to let go.

            But I do know I am not afraid of death - because there really isn't any.  Death is nothing more than moving on from one form to another, or rather to that which is formless.  Death in its truest sense does not exist.  Nothing dies, it just changes.  Maybe not in the way we want, but it is always something we can live with because we are life itself. 

            This version of this earth is dying, but not to its final end, but rather unto what is next.  I don't want to be this version of me forever, so why would the earth?  My cat lived a very boring life - why wouldn't he want to trade it in and up for something to inspire him and challenge him more?

            I have been graced with enough connection to the non-physical that I can feel and hear beyond the body and the little self, so death doesn't scare me or create the same level of loss and loneliness that so many feel.  That is also why I am not afraid of this earth's transition - because I can feel so much more on the other side and in the other version - it is beyond description because it is going to be so wonderful for those who are willing to participate in her creation.

            Those who fear death also fear their freedom.  The old man wanted freedom from his cumbersome body.  The baby wanted freedom from her too early arrival so she could begin again.  My cat let me know the minute his spirit lifted up and out of his body that he felt free - "I AM FREE" were his exact words to me.

            The earth wants her freedom, I want mine, and I hope you want yours too.  Freedom from pain.  Freedom from systems that don't work.  Freedom from control by forces outside our self.  Freedom from limits and losses and lies.  There is no death, only the decision of what you want - your fear or your freedom.  My cat chose his, I have chosen mine, the earth is choosing hers - what will you choose?

Time to say good bye, again....

           Today there is sunshine.  There was very little yesterday and there is to be very little tomorrow.  But, today there is sunshine.  That's not really much of a challenge here where I am staying.  I am in southern New Mexico where sunshine is much more the norm than the exception.  I need the sun today and I am glad that today there is sunshine.

            It has been a sad few days here in my tiny trailer.  My boy cat is very sick and our little family is now in a kind of suspended place, waiting for him to decide to stay or go.  While clouds have been more representative of how I feel, gloomy and sad, it is good to have this break where light and warmth will be with us for a while.

            He is much more peaceful than I am.  Each morning I wake and reach under the bed where he stays to see if he is still with us.  This morning it occurred to me it is my discomfort that I am wanting to end more than he is really having.  It is my judgment that causes my discomfort and lack of peace, my judgment that his time to go must come quickly and painlessly - but who am I to judge his letting go process?  He is in no distress and spending his day much the way he has for the 15 years he has been with me.

            I thought this morning about my own letting go processes - the last being the move away from my home and everything I know and owned.  I talked about it for years before I actually did it.  Sometimes letting go requires time to adjust, to appreciate what we are letting go of, and for finishing up old business.

            I also thought about how this earth is letting go of her old version of self to birth a new version.  This is really the same is it not?  The death must come first for the new to be born again.  I've wondered why more has not happened sooner, more changes, more loss, more destruction, more evidence of what is happening.  But maybe the Earth is moving more slowly also - after all there is a lot to let go of.  A lot of history has been lived in this version of her life.  Maybe she just needs some more time to adjust, appreciate, and to finish up old business.  Who am I to judge?

            It is hard in these times of a physical loss and death to remember we are not our bodies and this world is not our home.  I know that my cat is not dying, just leaving this version of self to return to his true Self where he is happy and whole and without illness or loss.  I've been talking with his Higher Self or Spirit - whichever name makes sense to each of us - and that Self is only filled with love and appreciation for the time we have had here together.  It is only my grief and loss and sadness that are real, he is going home, it is me that is staying behind.

            This cat is my longest relationship with an animal.  He has been with me for much of my own transition - he came at the very beginning of the losses and the changes that have shaped and molded me from who I was to who I now am.  Much of his life was not very fulfilling - his fear was tremendous of my last dog.  But this last year has been good for him, the move and all.  He has found the freedom to come out from under the bed and spend time with us and with the light of day….though now that we have lived in such close quarters I see he does most of his living at night!

            Grief is a process, now matter how much each of us understands that death is not real for spirit, only for the form it temporarily lives in.  So it has been a sad week.  But, today there is sunshine and it makes it just a little bit easier to remember that light will return within me even if my precious cat will not be here to share it.

Bye Bye Buckhorn!

             A few nights ago winds hit my trailer with such force that I thought I might be joining Dorothy in OZ!  My door (locked door) blew open, dust was everywhere, and the rattling and rolling really freaked me out!  But, just about the time I thought I might need to grab the cats and head for a more stable setting - things calmed down, the rain came, and the worst was over.

            That moment of decision - do I stay or go - is one that shows itself in more ways than we can count throughout our lives.  Should I stay in Buckhorn or move on to somewhere new?  Should I stay at my job or risk something I can't see yet?  Should I stay in my relationship or just let it go?

            This isn't the part where I give advice on what to do - but it is where I point out that doing nothing is a choice in itself.  I could stay in the trailer or I could run, but either way one is a choice and one is not a choice - both have consequences.  The lesson is I am not a victim of either, only I am the determiner of my life and it is here that all my power lies.

            Now, had my trailer taken flight it is safe to say I would have regretted my decision at the time to not run away!  But, who am I to say that the loss of my trailer would not have unfolded into another path with even greater rewards?

            My original idea for this blog was to talk about risks in reaching out to the unknown, walking paths unchartered, and wandering into places unplanned.  As anyone following this - okay, just me - but the reality of my plans so far is that none have gone as planned!  But, the one thing they all have in common is that each choice, decision, and direction I've gone in has yielded to me what I needed, wanted, or was delightfully surprised by.

            My faith in the path either chosen or not has shown me that life will meet me wherever I am, whenever I am ready.  I was so determined to get out of California, but now that I have I don't feel that same push to run forward, but am rather finding myself excited to see what is next!

            This journey has been frightening at times, but also surprising in ways I could never have imagined.  Even though there are things that are now behind me that I would have chosen to stay with me, I can't help but feel this excitement that what lies ahead will only get better and better.

            In a time when others are focusing on the crumbling of the old world, I can't help but smile because in my version of life, the new world is getting brighter and more beautiful every day.  Are there scary times that are dark?  Yes, two nights ago was just that!  But as the sun is now trying to find its way out from behind the clouds these last few days, I also feel the light within me increasing in its strength as I plan my next adventure -  or rather stay available for the adventure life is planning for me!

            I am sad to leave this place.  The people here are amazing, the community is warm and welcoming, and the landscape stunning.  But I also feel the call to keep moving.  That my purpose is still in motion.  That it is time for more to reveal itself as the New World continues to break through for me more and more each day.

            I am so appreciative of everyone here and all that the people in this community have shared with me.  I don't know if I will be back, but I trust that I will be welcome and for that I am truly grateful.

            We've all heard that without risk there is no reward, but as you begin to understand your part in how we create the risks and rewards in our own life, what is there to risk really?  Buckhorn was not a risk, it was a choice to not choose in that moment and from that non-choice I have yielded great rewards. 

            The New World, just as in the old world, requires that we own which ever choice we make and then step back to let the laws of this Universe unfold what is the highest version of good that we will allow in - be it painful or joyful, that is up to us.

            It's time to say good-bye to Buckhorn, but only in my body and not in my heart and spirit.  Each person we meet we will carry with us unto eternity - for there is no loss in the New World, just a different place to park my trailer.

          See you soon as I get to my next location and the story begins again..... 

I Had a Trailer in New Mexico....

             Well, my title is not quite as romantic as "I had a farm in Africa," but I watched the movie - again - "Out of Africa" and I was struck by how much of my own journey I am trying to create that ties in with this movie.  Of course, no Robert Redford has crossed my path - yet - but what he and so much more in the movie represent has.

            While there's too much to cover in one blog posting, I'll go with the highlights for today.  Love I believe is the theme, and what could be more important to speak of?  Not romantic love, for we've been conditioned to believe there is more than one type of love, but just love - as it is in Truth and as it is in its completed state.

            What Sydney Pollack so brilliantly captured in this film was love - for each other, for the land, for life, for freedom.  But the love only faltered when it in itself was not seen as enough - when that love was put into a form and the essence of its content was then lost.

            We try and control what we think we love by labels and boundaries and rules.  But love is not any of those things, for without freedom there can be no love.  Love cannot be controlled by what we fear we won't get, but only truly received by what we trust we will get.

            Love was most beautifully expressed when the majesty of Africa was shared - flying across its land, working among its people, and sleeping under its stars.  None of these things were felt alone, it was in their shared experience that love found its home in everyone's heart.

            But the moment that best stands out for me is when Dennis washes Karen's hair - it was the director who wanted to create a scene in which intimacy was shared, but not sexual in nature.  Love is not about sex.  Sex is just one way to communicate love, but only one.  Love is something that is given not to receive, but only for the joy in giving it away freely - for only then can it be received in the same measure.

            It is wanting to take that shared moment of love and put a name on it, a boundary around it, and a demand to it that it shatters and becomes what it is not - obligation.  Love is Freedom, as is Creation, Joy, Life, and the Truth.

            As I spoke of yesterday, it has been my goal to share this journey and today in my time with God, I asked again how to share this Love as it continues to grow within me with the world around me.

            I find it ironic in my own life and others that while we all crave and seek a love without condition or expectation - we have almost no ability to allow it in to our lives.  One of the reasons I so love being in nature and with animals is that there are no rules about love and no limits - I am free to just feel what I feel and share it with no fear it will be misunderstood or rejected or laughed at.  It is free to expand between us and not be asked to retreat and hide until a later date when the fears will be less and the rules no longer needed.

            I will never have a farm in Africa, but I do have the ability to love this life and this adventure, and to rejoice with all those that have come into my life to share themselves with me. 

            We speak of love all the time within our cultural and spiritual traditions, but rarely do we practice the tenants by which it exists.  Love lets in and it also lets go - I want the faith and trust to be able to do both, standing still when that is all that another is ready for or walking with them when they seek to share more.

            With all that said, I am still hoping for my own intimate moment that may not be getting my hair washed by the river, but I'm open to that as are all women - men may want to take note of this!

What Did You Share Today?

 

           One of the basic laws by which this Universe operates is that to keep something we must give it away.  This of course flies in the face of worldly wisdom that says if you want to keep something of value, you must hide it, store it, insure it, protect it, defend it, and die for it.  We believe if we give or share something we value we will have less at the cost of giving someone else more.

            But it is not which of these two ideas we need to decide are true or not, but rather a closer examination of what it is we value and why.  Part of the purpose of my journey is to more fully understand for myself this idea of sharing.  I used to believe I needed to share what I knew in my words and teachings to help others.  It was a hard blow to my ego to figure out the only real reason I was writing and trying to help others was to convince my self of what I was trying to learn for myself.  Eight plus books, numerous videos, countless hours, and all my money spent on this belief later…well, needless to say it took a while for my ego to calm down long enough by this blow to really sit with the idea to see if it was real.

            Bad news, it was.  Oh, and the other piece I had to learn along the way and still am is that not only were all my efforts directed at convincing me of what I needed to learn - but so were the reactions of others to me.  Looking for validation outside of my self and not finding it but in rare instances at first left me confused, but has now shown me that there is just still more for me to let go of and learn.

            So back to the idea of what it means to share.  Do I keep what I know to myself or not?  Is there value in sharing what I value?  At first I was not so sure.  But as I meet people along the way sharing what they value with me it is getting clearer that it is in the sharing that the value is increased for both of us.

            We've been conditioned to believe sharing is of this world in the tangibles - money, food, knowledge.  But from a larger perspective, all those things are temporary and spiritual truth states only that which is eternal is of value.  It is the sharing of love, joy, happiness, health, freedom, and abundance that is what is truly valuable.  While we may live a life defending against what we don't want, underneath are these same values we do want. 

            But the second question is how do we share?  It's something I've been asking myself a lot lately.  My own joy and happiness keep growing, but the more I have the less I know how to share it - I am aware I've begun to appear simple and silly to many.  It's been holding me back, but recently I had the opportunity to really ask myself why - and the answer I came up with is there is no reason that I can think of.  How can joy be silly or love be something to be ashamed of?

            We need to share our joy.  What we share increases.  I spent most of my life trying to end suffering by sharing my own - it didn't work out for me or others.  Nor has it with my fears, my judgments, my condemnations, or my criticisms. 

            We share our joy by being joyful.  We share our health by being active.  We share our creativity by being inventive.  We share our happiness by being inclusive of others.  We share what we love and value and we not only increase it within our selves, but in the world around us.

            There's a misunderstanding that peace is passive and joy is not valuable.  Nothing could be further from Truth (with a capital T).  Peace is stillness, but it is in our stillness that clarity comes and with that efficiency.  We were born as creators, not slaves.  Our world is in the process of recognizing they don't like their slavery, but the next step is to own their power by being creative.

            We share what we love by our acts of creativity.  One of the best parts of this process has been to see what others have built.  Their homes, their food supplies, their livelihoods - all built with a dream of creativity and they have blessed me by sharing it with me.  It inspires me, it energizes me, and it empowers me to know that when the time is right I will be able to do the same.

            This is why I want to share my journey with you.  Not for you to agree with me, but to give what I value away so that it will grow in the hearts and minds of those who seek their own freedom, joy, happiness, empowerment, and creative expression.

            It is wonderful to meet others who share what I value - and it should be wonderful.  Sharing is just another word for joining - in our minds, our hearts, our actions, and our spirits.  It is what we are here for - to find our self by sharing it with others.