Mondays mark to me the beginning of another cycle, a new beginning of sorts. This Monday I feel what is getting to be ever more common - a strong pulling into two directions at once. Part of me still trying to function within the old world and another part wanting to let it all go and step fully into the new world.
Today unrest is brewing all around this world. There are many who are calling for revolution and even more calling for change. Yet at the same time so many are waking up, there's just as many if not more, still sleeping as I read reports of consumer spending habits are returning to previous norms now that the recession is ending - did I miss something, ending for who?
But all of that still must be woven into the everyday reality that is our individual lives. Money, food, shelter, relationships - these realities have not changed and still require attention and decisions. But the polarities are building as to which decision we should be making and the difficulty of knowing which world we want to support with our choices.
As I sit in my house trying to decide what to do with all the stuff of the old world, what do I take with me into the new one? Will I choose something I won't need or even worse, leave something behind that I will? As I write these words will I sabotage a future job with my ideas or am I ready to let go of the past and find a new way to survive in a world I can't quite see yet?
Who would have thought the idea of being able to grow food while driving my soon to be mobile home is more exciting to me than the suggestion by a family member to publish materials I no longer believe in, even if they would generate income.
For me, the decisions that I struggle with are how to stop prostituting my self in this old world doing things I don't agree with or believe in to make the money to live the way I have been told I should. And I don't mean that in the oldest profession in the world sense, but in the more general and common sense - jobs that crush our soul, debt that crushes our spirit, and the lack of time that crushes our will to live.
I can see the big picture answers, the end of the road - but what I can't see right now are the short steps to get there...what to do in the next ten minutes that is of value to me in the new world and not a recreation of the old.
It's still Monday and I'm still in a bit of a rambling mode...but things are getting clearer and with each new Monday, closer to where I want to go. The New World is my home, not this old one. And, like a child who is tired of the traveling, I feel myself asking - are we there yet?
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